


"can host"

by verity



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bingo, Craigslist, Drag Queens, Failwolf Friday, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2013-02-01
Packaged: 2017-11-27 19:07:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verity/pseuds/verity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scott squints. Whoa, that's totally Derek. He's standing outside Jungle, talking to some dude about credenzas. That doesn't <i>sound</i> like something dirty.</p><p>"That guy is so hot," Stiles says, pretty wistfully for someone who just made out with two dudes while playing bingo in a Jessica Rabbit dress. "Of course, Derek gets all the—"</p>
            </blockquote>





	"can host"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [otter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/otter/gifts), [Hatteress (goddammitstacey)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddammitstacey/gifts).



> Thanks to otter for the inspiration and Hatteress for the encouragement!

**that time derek was talking to some dude in front of jungle**

Stiles is still wearing eyeliner and lipstick that's smudged half off his mouth. "What did you think?" he says. "Did I do okay?"

"You were great, dude," Scott says. He holds open the passenger door of the Jeep, because his mom raised him right and everything. "The lip-syncing was really convincing."

Tuesday is Ladies Night at Jungle, and Scott has a fake ID and no girlfriend. He started coming just to keep an eye on Stiles, be supportive. As it turns out, Stiles is wildly popular as Miss Manners, his drag queen friends could probably take Scott in a fight, and Ladies Night is kind of awesome. There's drag and bingo and people playing bingo _in_ drag. One time Scott won a lawn flamingo.

"Hey, is that Derek?" Stiles teeters on one 5" stiletto heel.

Scott squints. Whoa, that's totally Derek. He's standing outside Jungle, talking to some dude about credenzas. That doesn't _sound_ like something dirty.

"That guy is so hot," Stiles says, pretty wistfully for someone who just made out with two dudes while playing bingo in a Jessica Rabbit dress. "Of course, Derek gets all the—"

"What's a credenza?" Scott says.

 

**that other time derek was talking to some dude in front of jungle**

Two weeks later, Scott runs out to the car to grab Stiles's eyelash glue and almost collides with Derek as he rounds the corner. They have a moment of flashy-eyed staredown before the dude with Derek says, amused, "Friend?"

"No," Scott says, pulling himself up straight.

Derek's dude looks thoughtful, glances over at Derek. "Hey, maybe he could help—"

" _No_ ," Derek says. "Look, we agreed—"

Scott rolls his eyes and takes off. He doesn't have enough time for Derek's dude drama ever, let alone when there are fake eyelashes hanging in the balance. 

 

**that time derek was talking to some dude next to a dumpster**

The next night, Scott goes for a run. Allison emailed him that morning—the first time he's heard from her since everything went down and her dad took her off on some kind of hiking trip to Nepal—just saying, hi, not dead, hope you're not dead, sorry for trying to kill everybody, I've been meditating a lot, have a picture of Nepal. Allison isn't in the picture, just some mountains with clouds and stuff.

When Scott starts paying attention to his surroundings again, he's on the other side of town, where there are apartments instead of houses and a lot more fast food restaurants (unfair), and Derek is talking to some dude next to a dumpster. This guy has a chinbeard and a popped collar, and he's nodding at Derek, hands in his pockets.

"—not a good fit, yeah," the dude says. "Sorry about that."

"Yeah, well, you should post pictures next time," Derek grits out. "At least _measure_."

Scott gets the hell out of there, because there are some things he really does not need to know, and he hears plenty of them from Stiles on a daily basis already.

 

**interlude: some hypotheses are posited**

"So." Stiles says, waggling the Wiimote in the air. "Let me get this straight. Derek is coping with his trauma by hooking up with every hot dude in Beacon Hills—"

Scott stuffs another handful of popcorn in his mouthful. "The dumpster guy wasn't that hot," he says, chewing. "I mean, I don't think so."

"Where is he even finding these dudes?" Stiles says. "I never see him at Jungle. Danny would definitely have told me if he was on Grindr."

This doesn't make any sense. Derek's embraced the Batman life, probably because everyone he's ever loved is dead; Derek totally thinks that Scott is following his dick and somehow that's _worse_ than being in love. Picking up random dudes for sex just doesn't seem like his style. "Maybe he's not hooking up with these guys," Scott says, thinking. Boyd and Erica are AWOL, Isaac's visiting his grandmother for the summer while foster care sorts out its shit, and Peter's, well, Peter. What if— "What if he's recruiting them? Like, for his pack?" 

Stiles pauses the Wii. "Derek does like to bite the hot ones. Maybe he's decided to go for some legal man meat this time."

That right there is a mental image Scott could have done just fine without. "Stiles," he groans. " _No._ "

 

**that time derek was talking to some dude down the street from scott's house**

A few days later, Scott is biking home from Deaton's and hears Derek's voice a full block away. "When you posted the ad," Derek says, "You said there were two—"

Then an SUV almost sideswipes Scott and he gets a little distracted with not getting grievously injured while also flipping that asshole off, because, Jesus Christ.

When he tunes back in, Derek's just muttering, almost too soft for Scott to make out even though he's coming closer. " _Fucking Craigslist_."

 

**and another time derek was talking to some dude in front of jungle**

"Derek," Stiles says, shaking his head. "You're better than this."

"What—Stiles, what are you—" Derek keeps glancing up and down, eyes skittering across Stiles like he's not sure where he's supposed to be looking. Stiles is coated in body glitter and wearing one of Lydia's sister's old prom dresses, let out at the waist and slashed to mid-thigh, so Scott can't really blame him. "What?"

"Jim is an asshole and a sloppy kisser," Stiles continues on. "Seriously, he's terrible. If you want to hook up with somebody, there are, like, people inside."

"Hey," Jim says half-heartedly.

"He's selling me a dresser," Derek growls.

The dresser in the back of Jim's car has taken a beating. It's made of MDF, probably vintage Walmart, and looks like it was assembled by a drunk toddler. "You're trying to charge money for this?" Scott says, running a finger along one scarred, scuffed surface. " _Dude_."

"Ugh," Stiles agrees. "Also, you've started furnishing your abandoned subway car?"

Derek frowns. "I have an apartment. Here." He jerks his head toward the building next to Jungle, the warehouse that recently got converted to expensive-ass lofts and live/work spaces. 

"I told you!" Scott says, turning his back on Jim and the dresser to point a finger at Stiles. "I told you Derek was Batman!"

"I'm not Batman," Derek says, folding his arms.

"You are the night and you can't buy furniture." Stiles shakes his head. "I just don't know what to do with this."

"So you're not taking the dresser?" Jim says.

 

**that time stiles abandoned scott to play bingo with derek at jungle**

"He took Miss M to Ikea on a date?" Marilyn fiddles with her drink umbrella. "I don't know about that. Did they get Swedish meatballs? Did he pay?"

"I don't know, Derek's an asshole," Scott says, looking down at his bingo card. Oh well. If they call Cher or Cyndi Lauper next, he's totally got the lawn gnome in the bag.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [ladyofthelog](http://ladyofthelog.tumblr.com) on tumblr.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * ["can deliver"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1395958) by [Llama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llama/pseuds/Llama)




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